there is no better television than the suze orman show. no, i'm not kidding - i am one thousand percent serious. i watch it when it's on, i record the ones that i haven't seen, and i know that my saturday nights are all booked up with her fake tan glory.
i think what seals the deal on this show for me is the "can i afford it?" segment. hundreds of stupid people call in to divulge their intimate financial details and be judged by whatever technicolor jacket suze has chosen to grace me with that day.
an example:
"hi suze, my husband and i bring home $3600/month, we have a $365k 15 year ARM at 9.45% and it's about to adjust, we have $89k in credit card debt, and $156.40 in savings. We'd really like to buy a vacation hotel in Teluride for our yearly ski vacations at $500k so we don't have to mix with commoners."
cue suze looking at the camera, glaring and showing her intensely white teeth. any number of catchphrases can be inserted here, but my favorite is when she repeats what it is the idiot du jour is looking to buy. or when she questions their salary. "so let me get this straight, you bring home $3600 a month and you want to buy what??" i know that in her mind that phrase really means "bitch please." and that amuses me so greatly that words cannot express the joy.
i know about roth iras, mutual funds, 401ks, 402bs, and the adjustments that need to be made to the "hue" setting on my television to enjoy suze in her luxurious goodness.
so the next time you're sitting at home on a saturday night...what? you have friends, a social life, and a desire to be active?
well nevermind then.
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