wants

i want to be a star.

i want to absorb the laughter and applause of thousands of people i can't see because the lights of the stage are too bright.

i want to develop material so funny that the biggest shows on TV fall over themselves to have me at their writing table.

i want to portray emotions so powerful that i am able to transport a movie audience to a place they might never have thought of without me.

i want to elicit smiles and squeals of delight from children because it's me and ohmygod they can't believe i'm right in front of them! i will stand there and tell them that they can be anything they want to be because they're perfect the way they were made. i will high five the eager, sign laminated photos of the practical and hug the ones who start crying.

but i'm too scared to pursue it. i tell myself that i don't have time, it's too hard to write the jokes, man those auditions are far away, and everyone will be so much more talented than me. i'm scared to make the changes and evaluations it would take to make my dreams even have a possibility of coming true.

i know i'm not alone, but it doesn't make the self-imposed heartache any easier.