unbelievably tired.

or maybe believably.

between studying and the world series i wake up every morning thinking that my alarm clock is out to kill me.

in other news, can i just say how awesome it is to have pets? i don't understand how people come home and greet, i don't know, their appliances. seeing those excited little faces when i finally drag this carcass through the door makes me very happy. this could be because they know i'm an easy mark for treats and little bites of whatever i'm eating, (don't tell me how bad it is to feed dogs from your plate and the problems it creates. i'm aware.) but i like to think it's just a genuine affection.

today's sidebar:

occasionally i will google myself just to make sure that all is right with my internet persona and no one out there is trying to make sure that i'm never gainfully employed again. while usually this is fruitless, today i found out that there is a blog search within google.

did the world know this already?

anyway, i searched for my name and was greeted by two blog entries from a very old and angsty-titled livejournal from a billion years ago, and it brought back the flood. between the ages of 18 and 22, i bet i had six or seven LJ accounts. in an effort to prove this, i utilized their "lost log-in" function and plugged in my old hotmail account. after scrambling for fifteen minutes to remember that password, i was greeted with a list of six usernames all equally emo and puke-inducing. and they had all been purged by me at some point over the last six years. DANGIT.

i deleted what i'm sure were paragraphs of angst-ridden text, all focused on how much i hated the crappy hours at my crappy job, my super abusive and terrible relationship, and the friends i managed to scrape out of the dallas hardcore music scene. i can't imagine what was in those entries, but i'm kind of sad i'll never know. i was never good at keeping written diaries, though there were countless one page entries in a thousand note books scattered all over my teenage bedroom. i just couldn't commit to it, and i wish i had kept up with it because i'd love to read them now.

what on earth was i doing - preserve your memories, internet! no matter how dumb you think they look now, it will be such a window when you get older.