let me preface by saying i have only ever seen a handgun in movies. for being born and raised in texas, i sure am gun naive, and i wanted to change that. and who better to teach me than my militia wannabe dad?? :)
i am also a terribly shameless daddy's girl, so the opportunity to hang out one-on-one without my meddling sisters around sounded good. we made plans on saturday to head out to ye olde gun range tuesday morning, so i took the day off work to prep.
my prep included hiding behind the cabinet doors for "cover", making finger guns and humming the mission impossible theme. i.was.ready.
i was not ready, however, for my experience at the gun range. we got to the local haunt about 10am and the place was already chock full of people.
well, no, not people, just old men. i wouldn't want to imply that there was a variation (people), because there was not (person). when you walk in, you are immediately assaulted by how LOUD the place is. POP! BANG! BA-BOOM! (this was later found out to not be firecats, as i had assumed, but gunfire. who knew??) i put my ear plugs in and we crunched our way over the gravel to the gun store. yes, the gun store. a 342 year old man took our $10 apiece, issued two paper targets and wished us well. i immediately got a creepy vibe from the low ceiling and fluourescent lights in that place. ewwwww, yellow lights.
so we crunch back across the parking lot to the gun range itself. if you haven't been spammed with enough "hey don't you want to own your own business?!?" pitches, let me hit you with another one.
your own gun range!
step 1: buy 35 acres of land far far away from any kind of civilization. if you can make sure that you pass at least three rusted out tin shacks and a burned down dairy queen, this is ideal.
step 2: steal scrap lumber and carpet remnants from local construction sites. whatever sizes you can find in whatever colors. this isn't a holiday inn, it's a gun range!
step 3: assemble chipboard and plywood planks into long bar-like structure. cover with various indoor/outdoor carpet remnants and staple down. hang remaining plywood segments that you have cut into rectangles on fabricated frames about 5 feet high at varying distances
step 4: build aforementioned creepy low ceilinged flurouescent lit building. stock with small militia and plenty of "soldier of fortune".
step 5: appeal to local va halls and moose lodges for membership opportunities at your new business.
step 6: profit!
so my dad went through all the safety and accoutresments associated with handguns. and let me say that i was a total weiner the first time. when he wanted me to load bullets into the clip i kept treating them like hand grenades. my dad had to tell me that he wouldn't be trying to murder me in front of everyone like that. i then pointed out that the memory capacity that day was at 5% and the hearing even less. he concurred and let me take my time.
if you have never shot a handgun before, let me explain. it's loud. it kicks back, and you probably won't be quite the ace that i was (please reference kickass target above). it's not scary IF you pay attention and don't eff around.
and i guess the old men around wished they had a daughter/granddaughter interested in guns because i swear, every.single.one. of them came up and had a hint or a tip or wanted me to try something. of course i listened and said "thank you sir" and smiled. no way am i going to wreck someone's day because i hate people. well, not the elderly - they deserve my respect. the d-bags at hollister? it's on.
anywho, it was a really good day and i'm glad i didn't screw up as bad as i thought i would and i learned a lot of new things. the flesh between my thumb and index finger on my right hand hurts pretty bad, but it's better than the time i shot a shotgun and ruined my shoulder.
and i might not be ready for a real life grand theft auto adventure, but you better knock before entering my house. because as soon as i borrow a gun and find the creepy old man to buy bullets for, your shins are in trouble.
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